Being Suzy Sunshine

Many, if not all who meet me, will say I am a character.  I take that as a compliment.  But being a character, and building character are two very different things.

Being a character is easy.  Most of our friends are type A, testosterone and alpha female filled type A's and being timid is at your own risk.  You better be able to speak up and stand up for whatever you feel you should, or you're toast.  I am renowned for my witty comebacks.  And I curse.  Getting a testosterone or estrogene filled firefighter to laugh out loud is an achievement.  Some people appreciate the witty comebacks and my off-the-wall sense of humour, some don't.

August makes 6 months of unemployment.  I never imagined that it would take me six months to find a good job.  I've had to ask for an extension on my unemployment benefits.  They will be cut in half soon.  If I am not working at a good job by September 1, I'll work as a waitress at the truck stop.  Rejection cuts away at pride.

Cutting away at pride builds character.  I am still very proud of my family and my accomplishments.  I would rather use that as a character builder, rather than lose any pride. I've earned my accomplishments.

I should be bitter, and I am on some level.  Bitterness builds character, in a negative way.  I am trying to keep the bitterness at bay and turn it into an opportunity.  Bitterness breeds "suppose I go in this direction, and show them what for?"  That's what I keep telling myself.  Rejection builds character, and a thick skin.  I haven't grown that extra layer yet, so I suppose rejection is still a gaping wound.

Being unemployed for so long is taking on the feeling of being unemployable.  I worked for days on one application, submitted it, and waited.  And called.  And dropped by.  And waited.  This process began in May.  Now it is August, and I still have not heard anything out of them.  I sent an email, asking about the status of my application.  The very next day, I get a canned thank you for playing response.  If I hadn't sent that email, I would still be waiting.

There is a great opportunity out there, to which I've had two interviews, a month ago. I am still waiting for a response.  I tell myself that there are a lot of applications for this position and I was the first to be interviewed.  But it's been a month.

Does character equal backbone?  I am strong but its getting harder and harder to remain upright and functioning.  What's the point?  I spent all day in bed yesterday, after 2 hours of the gym and sanding more funiture.  Yes I was tired, but once in bed, it just didn't feel right getting out of bed.  The phone isn't ringing off the hook.  The emails are not coming in.  My calendar is blank, except for my gym classes.

I've got plenty of character to go around.  I know when to keep my mouth shut with a confidence.  I am loyal to my friends near and far.  I love and respect Jeff more every day and I am blessed by so much.   Now if the goal is to re-build my character into something completely different, we are well on the way to that one.  I am perfectly fine remaining "Suzy Sunshine" for as long as possible.  Suzy Sunshine has character and a backbone.

Thanks for reading!