Since moving to Montana, I have survived really cold weather, feet of snow on the ground for months, grey skies and being "laid off" or fired from 5, count'em, jobs in the last two years. Two years. I began my career in Livingston at the top of the heap, running a start-up nonprofit, being a professional peer to the City Manager of Livingston, and ending up with a $10 hour job as a receptionist.
Why? is the question of the day. What is is about my work habits, my appearance, my attitude that pisses people off enough to "let me go", thereby taking away my ability to earn a barely livable wage and keep a roof over my head? Anyone who had money riding on just how long it would take me to lose yet another job just hit the lottery. I have managed, in less than 3 weeks, to piss off enough people that they want me gone. In three weeks.
Ask people who know me why this is happening and the answer is always the same: I have a strong personality, and I don't know how to be pond scum. I am intimidating because.... why? I am a leader. I have ideas. I take Initiative. I am dependable, never late, work hard, trustworthy. I see something that might be tweaked to be better, and that is not looked upon with a smile and a nod. I ask questions because I'm interested, not because I want someone else's job. I'm happy to be employed for christ's sake. I don't care what the fucking job title is. Executive Director or Receptionist, I do my job with integrity.
My latest job was to be the front desk person, answering phones, dealing with the public and running interference for the sales people and program directors. Theother part of the job was to input advertising informatiom into a database that I was not familiar with and pick it up within a day, I guess. Learn a new program in 2 weeks, learn everyone's name and job by osmosis because no one was actually telling me their name and where they were in the pecking order as well as hand hand out prizes to contest winners. Not too difficult, hmm? Anyone should be able to pick this up and do an ok job at it.
The problem is an ok job is not good enough for me. You can put the girl in the west, but you can't take the east coast mentality out of her.
I got fired yesterday, less than a month after I started. The HR manager was kind enough to fire me and then give me a ride home, 30 miles to Livingston. She told me I could use her as a reference as I was escorted to my desk to clear it out. I cannot claim unemployment insurance because I was FIRED within the 90 day probation period. Fired.
I've been told I have a "strong" personality and should have kept my head down and not try to take initiatve by saying for example to the GM, "if you'd like me to screen your mail, (because I distribute the mail), I am happy to do it". His answer was a curt no and to basically back off. I should have just answered the phones, learned the database, and not try to streamline processes within my job that didn't make sense to me and would make things easier. I was there to answer phones, be pleasant and learn radio traffic management in three weeks. I am pleasant, and I give good phone.
The sales people hated me. I dropped one call because the front desk phone was screwed up and I couldn't tell which line was ringing when I was on another call. 2 weeks ago. One phone call. That meant that I was losing the company business. I asked a lot of questions because I have never worked in radio and I was interested. The sales people felt that I was after their jobs. The clients loved me, whether on the phone or in person. That didn't seem to matter. What mattered was I was thinking outside of my job to the "bigger" picture and that's not what they wanted.
They wanted someone who doesn't give a shit, doesn't want to do more than what the job description said and someone for whom this was just a job to fill eight hours a day. That has never been me. I did not misrepresent myself in the interview. What you see is what you get with me. I don't make claims or promises about things I don't think I can follow through on. They hired that person and then fired this person because the person they hired, was not what they wanted. Even though they hired me for the qualities I could bring to the job as I presented myself in the interview which got me the job in the first place.
I have worked for over 35 years. I've been working since I was 15 years old. I've lost jobs in the past as many of us have. I have never, in over 35 years, had a 2 year run of such bad luck and bad judgement on my part. My friends tell me its because I am perceived as intimidating. I don't want to be perceived as intimidating. I don't walk into a room and expect my ass kissed. I have worked hard for the person I've become and feel that I have earned the right to be that person. I am not willing to "change" for anyone or anything. I'm not 25 years old and easily pliable any longer. These scars and bruises each have a story.
Smart and capable are bad words out here. I'm speechless. I have enough experience under my belt to figure out pretty quickly what the playground looks like and who the players are. At least I thought so. I must be a glutton for punishment because I am not going anywhere. Montana is home. Jeff & I have a life here in big sky country. We have good friends. He owns a business. And I'm stubborn.
Maybe Someday by Rob Thomas is my new theme song. You want to run me out of here? Good luck with that.
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